JOEL - I think I understand your frustration. My own wife was the only Mormon in her family. Members of my family were able to attend our temple wedding but none of hers could go. They did not like it much either but they still love and accept both of us. All of their other children have been married and divorced (some twice), and my wife and I are still going strong after 26 years. I can just about guarantee you that the same good fortune will be the case for your daughter and granddaughter. Being married in the temple is the best thing that could happen to them. It means that they will be together forever, even in heaven.
Actually most of our own church members are not allowed to go to the temple. My own mother, who is a member, could not attend our marriage either because she had been somewhat inactive in our church for a while. But she understood very well the reason why she could not go, and she would have been very disapointed if we had not been married in the temple. Those who have experienced the temple ordinances have made very solomn promises to God to live a life dedicated to serve Him and his children and to live a higher law of the Gospel of Christ. These are serious promises we make and if anything they should make us feel more humble rather than proud.
Any member of the LDS Church that presents a "Holier than thou" attitude towards you are not correctly living their religion and are in jeopardy of condemnation from God. I hope it is only your perception of it and that there have not really been a lot of members treating you that way.
These restrictions are not man-made. We believe that everything connected with the temple ordinances are revelations from God. We believe that the temple is the house of the Lord and because of this only those who are worthy are allowed to enter. As the scriptures say, no unclean shall enter the house of the Lord (2 Chronicles 23:19). This does not mean that we think we are better than anyone else, it just means that we have promised God that we agree to live according to certain standards that He has given us through His prophets and scriptures. And we have a greater responsibility to live up to those standards. If we don't we are in greater risk of condemnation from God than those who have not made these promises.